I received yet another of those "pass on this email to all those women who need an education and all those men who ....whatever" from one of my like-feathered friends. I suddenly had a lot of cud to chew on my fave topic and thought I'll put my eloquent mind to immediate action. I colored the list of men's rules in Red and my comments in-line in green color as both are primary colors and very simple to distinguish for the men. Here we go:
All of the points on the list were numbered as#1 on purpose.
(Hmm, I agree to it as men are bad at multi-tasking and are poorly equipped to remember things beyond #1, in addition to the 9 to 5 jobs that they hold.Hey guys, that's acceptable, no probs.)
Rule#1 of 1: Shopping is NOT a sport. And no we are never going to think of it that way.
Imagine this :Scenario 1: Leave husband in a mall, give a gift voucher of Rs. 10,000. Meet him after an hour. He is in KFC eating a chicken out of a bucket after checking out the latest mobiles/laptops/Boss music system. Balance money, 10,000-475= 9575 Scenario 2: Leave wifey with Rs.10,000 in a mall. Meet her after 45 minutes. She has already bought a pair of jeans, couple of shirts, a couple of kurtis, a branded handbag and shoes. All the clothes come from one single new store called "for Plus- sized women". Balance money, 10,000-9575=475. She definitely has better judging and quick decision making skills. Plus you can still buy your bucket of chicken from KFC.
Rule#2 of 1:Crying is blackmail.
Hey, don't forget, that was precisely the moment you put your hand around her and gave her your shoulder to cry on. You thanked God for it back then.
Rule#3 of 1:Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work. You see, men are dumb.
Strong hints do not work. They lack understanding.
Obvious hints do not work. They are cabbages.
Just say it! YOU ARE DUMBER THAN WE THOUGHT.
Rule#4 of 1:"Yes" and "No" are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
Yes, we agree that we too want role reversal for a change. No, we don't mind if you let us watch TV, while you cook a meal for the family.
Rule#5 of 1:Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girl friends are for.
No probs, if you are busy. You see its not that I mind sharing, but we have this cute guy in our office who lends a sympathetic ear to all of us girls... anytime.
Rule#6 of 1:A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
I know. The sooner you see, the better.
Rule#7 of 1:Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
Do you guys suffer from a short term memory loss or something/ Just curious...
Rule#8 of 1:If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
I'm not asking you if I'm fat. I'm informing you that I need to upgrade my wardrobe to a higher version, and so have to hit fashion street.
Rule#9 of 1: If something we said can be interpreted 2 ways, one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
Now, don't be chicken.
Rule#10 of 1:You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not Both.
How 'bout using discretion...
Rule#11 of 1:If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
This is escapism...
Rule#12 of 1:Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
Honey, the puppy is pissing in your shoes.
Rule#13 of 1:Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.
That's why he discovered America when he went in search of India. There are no new continents to be discovered. Google even finished mapping all the streets and by-lanes also.
Rule#14 of 1:All men see in only 16 colors, like Windows Default settings. Peach for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what Mauve is.
What 'bout the orange and rose in the WDSettings?
Rule#15 of 1:If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
I will accept if you have the guts to do it in front of your boss.If you control it there...you're chicken.
Rule#16 of 1:If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing", we act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
Nothing is the matter with my love life in my office, darling...Now don't ask questions,I hate these probes you see...
Rule#17 of 1:If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear. I was planning on going on a date with a gay-colleague of mine, do you want to tag along?
Rule#18 of 1:When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine, Really.
How about wearing some lingerie to your boss's party?
Rule#19 of 1:You have enough clothes.
You are dressed like a macaw nowadays, I 'm not commenting on you.
Rule#20 of 1:You have too many shoes.
So do you.
Rule#21of 1:I am in shape. Round is a shape.
So do I..
Rule#22 of 1:Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know men really don't mind that, its like camping.
I'm glad to have the bed all to myself. Enjoy your camping with the mosquitoes.
P.S: I have no regrets for all you guys out there. My views are intended to hurt,bruise,stamp,walk all over and kill all your male egos lurking everywhere. I owe no apologies to the mankind and have written all this with ill-meaning intentions.
If you want to send clever repartees(counter humorous ) you are welcome, if it is written as stylishly as mine. (Jokes apart, my actual intention is to increase the number of hits and increase traffic to my site.)
